Friday, December 30, 2011

All BOY


Oh my goodness, I had to laugh today when I opened up the gender card my friend Lacie gave back to me. Kaileb was definitely not a shy little boy at all:


See what I mean? Not shy at all. Hopefully this little guy will continue to be out going throughout his life.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Birthday Gender Reveal 2011

Today had to of been the best birthday I have ever had. I had a lot of my close friends and family show up to Applebee's where we had amazing food and drinks. Then afterwards our close friend brought out the cake she made us and we got to cut into it. With the cutting of that first slice this whole pregnancy feels so much more real. My little sea turtle is so much more than that now. He is now my baby BOY! That's right we are having a little boy. For those of you wondering what we have chosen to name him it is: Kaileb (faithful, bold) Connor (wolf lover). Below are some pictures from tonight and the official video too!



he can never take a straight picture....





Happy Birthday To Me!


I have been anxiously awaiting this day for weeks now. Today is the day that we get to find out what we are having! It has to possibly be the best birthday present a girl could ask for. Tonight at 7pm we head out to meet our friends and family at Red Robin to have a special birthday dinner and following dinner the gender reveal cake will be brought out. When Matt and I cut into it, it will either be blue or pink. 

So if you would like to play along and guess leave a comment here and tell me what you think the gender is going to be. Boy or Girl? If you want to know before I write up the blog post to let you all know what I am having follow me on Twitter cause I am sure that I will be tweeting about it within minutes of finding out!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Xmas 2011 [19 week update]


19 weeks

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her/his brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that (s)he may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to him/her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.
Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. His/her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. His/her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on his/her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

Green/Meyers/Hopper Christmas:
Wow, with all of the Holiday festivities I almost forgot to post about being 19 weeks pregnant! And here I will be 20 weeks come Thursday. 
Christmas was awesome though. For the first time in years we got a long the entire time! Needless to say that this was the first time in a very long time that I felt at home and welcome to be there. It was so much fun being able to spend some quality time with my baby sister. I do not get to do that enough. I loved seeing the excitement in my nephews faces when they opened their presents.
My nephews and I




they got a kick out of the singing snowmen!
 This year I got an extra special gift. My Dad gave me my Grandfathers wedding right my Grandma got for him on their 40 year anniversary. I already have their original wedding set that I inherited after Grandma passed. The best thing about this gift is that my Dad called Matt and told him how honored he would be for him to wear it. He inherited it from Grandma when he got married and knew that if Grandpa were still alive that he would have loved Matt and wanted him to have it. Of course this totally made me cry my eyes out. 
Damn pregnancy hormones!
I ended up eating so many sweets and candied yams and other really nummy goodies that I think I am really content on holiday food till next year. 
How was your Christmas?

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has an awesome Christmas and if you are traveling this holiday season please be safe. See you back here Monday!


Friday, December 23, 2011

late night ramblings


Today has been super busy, crazy and hectic all at once. I finished making my Xmas presents for the fam-bam and our friends today. All I have left to do is wrap them and the littles presents and I am good to go.  Well besides packing and getting ready to go home for about three or four days. Thankfully I am finally feeling in the whole holiday spirit. I did not think I would ever get here this year. Just call me Mrs. Scrooge. This Holiday is probably one of my favorites besides Halloween, so I am glad that my spirit has finally lifted and I can enjoy it without feeling so blue.

Matt thinks that it is pregnancy hormones. Probably is, but it is also more than that you know? Besides being pregnant, I am really missing my Grandma this year. I really wish she was here to celebrate with us and to know that I am pregnant and she is going to be a Great Grandma for the third time. Another reason is probably because Matt has to work. So that is another holiday without him. It sucks but I am getting used to it after six years of him always working. I do have to say at least I know where he is and that he is safe compared to when we first met (he was stationed in Ft. Bragg and was deployed out in Afghanistan somewhere).

I am totally rambling, and I know this, but I made myself a promise that I would be more consistent with blogging than I have been here recently. Especially since I know it is going to be hit and miss when our little turtle arrives in May

—side note—I can’t wait till my birthday on the 28th! We will finally know the gender of our little turtle! Then we can start calling it by their name instead of turtle. Although we will still fondly call him/her turtle anyway.

So without further ado and before I go off on another topic I will say good night or good morning my fellow bloggers and friends. Hope you have a wonderful day and a very Merry Christmas too!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Hey Guys I'm not here today.....

I am currently over at The Paper Mama talking about how to make some super easy Dream Pillows! Come check it out!

Just click on the picture, it will take you right there =] Or click on the link above! Much love to all my blogging friends and family!

Ultra Sound Story


Yesterday we finally got to go see our little one, whom we have nicknamed “our little turtle”. Matt says that it makes sense that we would nickname our kid this since I tend to have a little obsession with turtles.

body shot

profile

sucking his/her thumb

face
 The ultra sound tech was completely cool too. She gladly took the envelope that we gave her to put the gender of the baby in and while she was doing the ultra sound she would let us know when to look away from the screen. Although Matt later told me that he kind of peeked and thinks he knows what the sex is. I then proceeded to call him a jerk (jokingly of course) and told him he better not tell me what he thinks it is.

The best part is that the tech asked us to go to the waiting room while she wrote it down and when she came out to give us the card let us know she included a picture of the baby’s gender in the envelope too. That was very thoughtful, I damn near cried. Now that we had the envelope in hand we met Lacie who is making the gender reveal cake and gave it to her. She has been teasing me off and on today that she knows what it is and is NOT going to tell us.

Mean, just plain mean I tell ya! At least it is all in fun and games. Looking back I can’t believe the difference from our first ultra sound to this one. Little Turtle has changed so much since then:


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Boy or Girl? [Wordful Wednesday]

We go in tomorrow for the ultra sound and to technically find out what we are having. Although I am not allow to know till my birthday, which is not till the 28th! I am going to go nuts not knowing what our dear little turtle is for another week! But it will be worth it because we have such a cute idea planned out. We are having the tech write down what the sex is on a card then sealing it in an envelope with a picture of the baby's sex. Then we are handing it to our really good friend who does amazing cakes, and she is going to do a gender neutral cake on the outside and either pink or blue on the inside. So after my birthday dinner when we cut into the cake in front of all our family and friends we will finally know what our little turtle is going to be. But in the mean time I figured I would ask you all what you thought? I seem to be carrying high I want spicy foods and have not been sick or had any heart burn at all. I am one day away from being 19 weeks.

Taken right at 18 weeks.

and then, she {snapped}

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

You're a Mean One Mister Grinch


The last couple of days my emotions have been really screwy. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook then you know that all I have done is really want to punch someone. Between all the stupid people on the road doing 10 under because oh em gee there is a cop next to them or because the weather man said it was foggy but you can see a mile in front of you; to the stupid holiday shoppers. Bah humbug! Not really, but people seem to be so rude. Like today I pulled into a parking spot and got out and someone who could have been my Grandma drove past me and called me a bitch. Apparently she was circling around to take that parking spot. Well I did not know that. All I saw was an empty parking spot when I drove down that lane and I was the only car in the aisle, so what does that make me a bitch? On top of that it is obvious that I am pregnant now, so why would you want to aggravate me? This is not the first time since Black Friday that this has happened.

Honestly this behavior does not put me in the holiday spirit. My husband already has to work through the entire holiday, leaving me to travel by myself to my parent’s house in the Valley essentially spending the holidays alone. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the getaway ever now and again, but not during the holidays. I would rather have my husband with me. It truly makes it more enjoyable. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I selfish to want my husband next to me during this time of year? I mean after all it is about family and friends right? This year has been really hard for me to get festive. I have tried. Shoot I even am going to a few solstice and Christmas parties coming up this week. I know I am going to have fun and hopefully some time out around friends with my hubby will help get me out of this funk.

Ugh, please someone tell me that this is just pregnancy hormones?

Monday, December 19, 2011

Yule and Christmas


Moon Garden Grove celebrated Yule today. If you do not know what it is, the Winter Solstice usually known on the calendar as the 1stday of winter. It usually falls on the 21st or 22nd of December, depending on the year. This is the shortest day of the year (but you all knew that already). As a Pagan, Yule represents not only the shortest day of the year but the end of one season and the beginning of another. This is where our days start to get longer and Mother Earth starts to slowly wake herself back up after her winter slumber. Depending on where you are in the states spring is right around the corner. Or if you live here in Washington like myself, you know you will not be seeing any of that “green” stuff for a few more months.

To me winter feels as if the world is holding her breath, just waiting to exhale and when she does everything else does to. The world/Mother Earth breathes and everything lives again. Does that make sense? (maybe 4am is not the best time to write a blog).

Some back history on Yule:

Yule, (pronounced EWE-elle) is when the dark half of the year relinquishes to the light half. Starting the next morning at sunrise, the sun climbs just a little higher and stays a little longer in the sky each day. Known as Solstice Night, or the longest night of the year, the sun's "rebirth" was celebrated with much joy. On this night, our ancestors celebrated the rebirth of the Oak King, the Sun King, the Giver of Life that warmed the frozen Earth. From this day forward, the days would become longer…

You can find the rest of the post here

Anyway, back to our celebration (know that you know a little bit of the history behind this solstice). Unfortunately I had to hid down stairs because I am pregnant and some of the incense that is used during ritual is not really safe for me to be breathing in. So my second in command ran the ritual today/yesterday. I seriously love this lady. Without her I probably would be so overwhelmed trying to do everything on my own. She saves my ass a lot and I am so lucky to have her by my side running this awesome little group of mine. So, even though I was down stairs I could still hear everything going on. I still felt the energy resonating in the house from the circle directly above my head. As always it was an amazing feeling.

Afterwards, we had a traditional Yuletide potluck dinner. There was lots of laughter and joy in the kitchen as everyone prepared their dishes to eat. The food was amazing (as always). As we laughed and ate and talked about today and life there is no doubt in my mind looking at us you would never guess we were mere strangers to each other only 4 short years ago. We have become not just really good friends but family to each other. There is nothing I would not do for these guys and visa versa.

After all the food was consumed we did a white elephant gift exchange. This was so much easier than drawing out of a hat and playing Secret Santa, like we did the first two years. It is so much fun to see what you are going to receive and how much time/effort is put into these gifts. This year I received two tea cups and my first ever tea ball. I am not much of a tea fan but I love lose leaf tea. I hope this helps me drink more tea in the future (Robin would be so proud). Now all I have to do is find out where they sell some really awesome lose leaf tea for me to try.

Shortly after the White Elephant Gift exchange we all said our goodbyes and headed home. All in all this years Yule festivities were amazing. Now I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my family and getting to see a few friends when I travel back home. Unfortunately my dear husband has to work but that comes with the territory. I am lucky that he has a good job so missing a few family holidays may be a sacrifice but we always make up for it in the end. Which leaves me to wonder:

Be is Yule or Christmas what are some things that you celebrate as a family together?

Friday, December 16, 2011

18 Weeks


18 Weeks:

Size: 5.6 in approximately the size of a sweet potato or bell pepper

Weight: 6.7oz

(S)he is busy flexing their arms and legs -- which I have not felt yet, except for a few flutters here and there.

Some exciting news: on the 21st we get to find out what our dear little turtle is going to be! Although since we are going to have a gender reveal party I wont actually get to know that day. I will have to wait 7 more days to find out. Happy Birthday to me!

When we go to get the ultra sound we are going to ask the tech not to tell us, instead to write it down on a piece of paper and put it into an envelope. Which I will then hand to a friend of mine who does cakes. She is going to make a gender reveal cake, which will be neutral on the outside and pink or blue on the inside. So after my birthday dinner at Red Robin we will get to cut into the cake and finally know what our little turtle is going to be. Now lets just hope the (s)he cooperates right?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Lots of Words Wednesday


17 weeks 5 days

Today is the last day I am 17 weeks. Tomorrow I will officially start my 18th week of pregnancy and I have my monthly check up also. I am super excited about this. I get to hear my lil’ ones heart beat again tomorrow. I seriously am so excited for this. I have been having some pretty crazy anxiety about this because it seems that everyone around me is either high risk or announcing they lost their baby. My heart goes out to all of my friends and mommy bloggers out there who are suffering this loss.

I know all too well what it feels like to lose your baby. I guess my fear right now is because I lost my baby August 11th and then conceived the baby I am carrying now between the 24th and 27thof August. It happened so quickly, I was still grieving when I found out I was pregnant again and as much as I love this lil one I am still sad that I lost my other baby too. Reading all of these announcements about loss, has got me a little wound up. I keep having these nightmares where I wake up in a cold sweat because I am so afraid to lose this lil one. You can read about it here.

I have almost convinced myself to go to the hospital I don’t know how many times “just to make sure” my baby was okay. I have called my midwife a few times totally freaked out (bless her heart she is so patient with me) and my next door neighbor has been a god send. She is pretty much the best ever. I appreciate the fact that not only is she helping me out by pretty much being my doula, but I am helping her out and giving her the experience she needs to maybe get a scholar ship to take doula training and get her certificates here soon.

Tomorrow when I give you the new baby update I am going to try to be a little more detailed and give you guys the details about where my baby’s growth should be and how big (s)he is too! 

Monday, December 12, 2011

Looking back


I was talking to friends last night, and we started talking about our pasts. I realized last night that I have been through a lot and overcome so much in my short 26 years of life. I do not know really where to begin. From the beginning I guess. I was born addicted to heroin. My Mom’s drug of choice at that time, she would later have my sister who’d be addicted to meth. My youngest sister was spared since she spent most of her pregnancy in jail. My middle sister and I were drug babies. My Dad never gave up on my mother though. He would marry her three times. Each time would result in them having my sisters and I. He would finally divorce her for the last time because he had to put us first.

My Dad was defiantly the best parent anyone could ever ask for. My mom had two sides to her. When she would get out of jail and was sober for a few months she was everything you could ask for in a mom. Loving, caring, and devoted to her children, at least until her druggie friends would start showing up. Then she would start up again and this mother was a monster. She was not someone I loved. She was someone I was very afraid of. With her I was not a child. I was a whipping boy for my sisters; I was my sisters care takers. I would make them breakfast, change their clothes and make sure they were dressed while she was passed out in the other room. I hated those weekends with her. She eventually lost her parental rights to us.

When we would go back home to my Dad’s home life was easier. Until my sister started using me to cope with what we would later find out was bipolar. No one believed me for a long time about what was going on. It took me moving out when I was 18 for them to finally see my sister needed help. But I am getting ahead of myself here. When I was 16 my “grandpa” was dying of kidney failure. We went to pay our respects and my mom was there.

My last memory of her was her trying to run her hands through my hair. For the first time in my life I blew up at her. I do not regret the things I said. They have never made me feel bad because at the time it was what I needed to say to her. If I had known in 6 short months she would be killed in a triple homicide I would have still said those words to her. Between her, my Dad, my Grandmother and my sister I would not be who I am today. My journey did not end there though.

Back to when I turned 18: I moved out while I was still in high school. I moved in with my then boyfriend. Who happened to be a mama’s boy. She would be our downfall. I would then meet my next boyfriend. Who was mentally and sexually abusive to me. I would not be able to see that for years to come. Both of these men would also help shape who I am today.  I would then meet my now husband. You can read our story here.

These last six years have truly been the best of my life. After everything I have endured and overcome I have finally found my soul mate. Someone who loves me for me, I don’t have to prove myself to him. With his help I have been able to start finding myself. With him I started figuring out who I was. I really came out of my shell. I learned that I had a backbone and that I could stand up for what I believed in. I am still very reserved and quiet. I am more a homebody than someone who loves going out and partying. I have a lot of people I know and few people who are my friends and an even fewer select friends who I look at as family.  These few friends have been there for me through everything and stayed. I look back and I know I had a hard childhood. I know I had to grow up way to quick. I also know that because of all I have been through I am a better person. I know that whatever happens to me from here on out I can handle it.

Life? Bring it on.

*note: I left out a lot of details I did not feel comfortable posting online. I did however give enough detail to hopefully explain my life well enough.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Hai There

This past week has been super busy and hectic. Hence the lack of posts. As of right now I am using my phone for this little update.

Yesterday I post my 17 week bump update. I then was playing catch up with all the lovely bloggers in my Google reader and some not. While doing so I ran across a few other bloggers who are expecting. When they post their bump updates they usually have a list of things they are experienceing or noticing as they reach that week. I considered doing this just to see what it would be like.

Before I did though I wanted to ask my readers if that was something they'd like to see or are you more interested in the picture? Anywho leave me a comment and let me know. Maybe next week I will have a more detailed post for 18 weeks or just a photo. So until then stay warm in this chilly weather of ours. Unless you live somewhere warm, then just know I am very jeleous of you right now.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Time for a Change?

Photography by Scott Bunter
4 months, 16 weeks. I still have a long way to go (6 more months) but I feel as if I am already changing. I also think that because I am changing, I am in need of a change here. I created this blog to represent me. Just me and my life. This a part of my life, I know that, but I feel a strong urge to change things up here to embrace what I am becoming.

I am thinking a new blog name and a new design would be wonderful. I have had a few friends comment and tell me a few ideas to what they thought would be good. So far the one that is really sticking out is "From Maiden to Mother". Although I do want to find another word for "mother"  Something that will stand out.

I know one day I may change it up again, but that day is very far from today. For I will not be a crone for a long time to come. I still want to be true to myself, my pagan life, and this journey I am taking while I am in transition from maiden to mother. As much as I love "Capturing Life's Magick" I feel that it is time to say good bye to it.

What do you think? Any suggestions would be very welcome.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

awesome neighbors, and sleepless nights


I am over at my neighbor’s house today (well yesterday by the time you read this) watching the kids so she can get some house work done. I swear this lady is awesome. She has been a huge help to me in the last year, even more so now that I am pregnant. So being able to help her out today has made me feel very good. Kind of like I am able to repay her back for all the kindness she has showed me. Her boys have been a big help today. They cleaned most of the house to help out and relieve her of any stress she may have had over it not being clean enough.

I have to say I am so tired. My sleep pattern is completely messed up. I totally feel like a zombie today. For the past week my body has been shutting down at 8pm and waking back up between midnight and 2am. I then end up staying awake until 6/7am before crashing again until noon or 1pm and starting my day.  So last night I made myself stay awake for as long as possible. I only wanted to stay up till midnight, except that didn’t work. I caught my second wind and ended up staying up until almost 7am. My poor husband stayed up with me too. By the time we went to bed I never really fell asleep. I “slept” for 8 hours in a half awake half asleep state. I think this is more exhausting than going to sleep at 8pm.

Any other mama’s have this happen to you? Please tell me this is a pregnancy thing and I will eventually get over this?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

wordless wednesday [sort of]


I thought this was super cute. My dear husband and Jinxie watching tv together.

PS. Don't mind the crappy cell phone pic!


and then, she {snapped}


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Modified Dolls


I work with an amazing group of girls who do monthly charites. Here is a list of what charities we do each month:

December: Toys for Tots

January: Alzheimer's Prevention(Naughty New Year you will want to remember!)

February: Women Thrive and National Aids Awareness

March: Eating Disorders (National Eating Disorders Association edap.org)

April: Autism Speaks

May: TWLOHA

June: Nature.org

July: Pinups for Soldiers

August: Leukemia and Lymphoma

September: Ear Candy.org (children's music charity)

October: Learning Disabilities Awareness

November: Feeding America Or Feeding Your area if you are located In another place! Food Bank Charities basically!

December: Make a Wish Foundation

Their Facebook Page

If this is something you'd be interested in come check us out and fill out an application to become part of an amazing group of girls.


Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday

So I am staying in today and avoiding the holiday madness out there that is Black Friday shopping. For all my friends and family out there braving those holiday sales, good luck and be safe!

As for my Thanksgiving, I had my family come up. It was so nice to have them up. We all cooked dinner and watch football and movies. Lots of laughter and joy went on in my house yesterday. It was so nice. I will be posting pictures up from it tomorrow or Monday depending on how busy this weekend gets. So until then, thanks for reading!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Weight Gain Fears


Now that I am pregnant, I am trying not to gain too much weight other than what is acceptable for my height and size. I know I am already overweight and from what I have been reading that does not give me much wiggle room.  Seriously I am afraid to look at the scale. I really do not want to see it clime. Since I am using a midwife I have to keep track of my own weight so I know that when I wake up tomorrow it is time to see how much I have gained. I know that I should not be complaining but my weight is something that I have battled long and hard with.

Growing up I weighed 120lbs and was in the best shape of my life. Although in the summer I would gain 5lbs. That weight gain would make my Grandmother put me on a diet because I was getting to fat. As soon as school started and sports got back into full swing I would lose it. Although there’s the rub, my Grandma would then say that I am too skinny and put me on another diet to gain weight. She always thought I was bulimic or anorexic and would threaten hospital stays if I didn’t gain/lose weight.

Well, when I moved out and got on birth control my weight jumped to 140lbs. I was right where I was supposed to be for my height and body type. Before I was actually to thin for my doctors liking. Thanks to birth control I was able to gain that weight no problem. It drove my Grandma crazy. She would constantly tell me she was concerned about my health because it was not healthy for me to be that big. Well that concern would actually be valid after my car accident. When I got into my car accident I messed up the nerves in my lower back and tore the muscle around my rotator cup. I had tendinitis and bursitis, with water pockets that were forming cysts around my entire right shoulder. I could not even pick up a pencil. It felt like it weighed 100lbs.

Their solution: a cortisone shot in between my shoulder and shoulder blade instead of doing surgery. I was only 20 so I agreed. I thought I was too young to be going through surgery so I gladly accepted. Little did I know that in less than 10 months I would be weighing over 210lbs. Talk about a blow to your self esteem, watching yourself gain all this weight and nothing you did seemed to reverse it. I have cried, I have been depressed, I have been angry. I have tried everything from a good workout routine and steady low carb/fat free diet to lose the weight. Well fast forward a few years down the road. I am now 26 years old, pregnant and at my last weigh in I had hit 230lbs
.
I cried. I know that I am gaining weight because I am pregnant. I know that that is going to happen throughout the pregnancy. Does it mean that I am happy about it? Not one bit. I know that in order to have a healthy baby this is a natural part of the process. I probably sound whiny and should get over it. Harder said than done, even my dad now lectures me on my weight. Although he doesn’t say much to me now that I am pregnant. It can be hard at times. I have cried over the lectures, I have had every test possible ran. I see a massage therapist to help me relax because my muscles are all in knots. I see a chiropractor to relieve my back, neck, and shoulder pain. It is only a brief relief from the pain I am in every day. Sometimes exercising helps, especially yoga. Other times I come home in more pain than when I went in the first place. My shoulder still swells if I over exert it, which happens a lot since it is my dominate arm.

The one thing I really hope is that after this baby is born that I can get even more serious about losing the weight that I had gained during and before the pregnancy. I hope that it will help relieve some of the pain I am in everyday and I will be able to enjoy my child all that much more for it. Not to mention I will be able to keep up with him/her a lot better too.

Wow, I wrote a lot. If you read all this, I thank you. Good night.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Being Thankful




This time of year I see so many posts about being thankful. Well this year I have a lot more to be thankful for than usual. Other than the usual, being thankful for a roof over my head, food in my belly, the best husband a girl could ask for, and for my friends and family who have stuck with me through thick and thin. I am very thankful that this year I get to experience one of the most beautiful things a woman can go through.

As I transition from maiden to mother I am thankful that I have this opportunity to give life to something so precious. During this holiday season I am still thankful for those friends and family who are supporting us during this time. Most of all I am thankful for my husband who is just as excited as I am that we are having this little one. Come Christmas time we should know what we are having and I will officially be able to say we are having a little Kaileb Connor or a Brionna Skip on the way.

I am also thankful that one of my best friends came up with the most awesome idea to reveal our little ones gender. We will be doing a gender reveal party. So we are going to have the technician write on a piece of paper what the baby is and put it in an envelope. Then provided the little one cooperates and things go as planned for my birthday we will be having a birthday dinner at Red Robin where we will reveal the gender to everyone. Hopefully Red Robin will let us bring in our own cake. My bestie will be making a gender neutral cake, well the frosting will be gender neutral, but the inside will be either pink or blue. So when we cut into the cake we will finally know what we are having, along with the rest of our friends and family.

So you see, there is a lot to be thankful for this year. Maybe more thankful this year than previous years for all the blessings I have received this year and will receive next year.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Magickal Monday's


This is going to be a short post. In January I am going to start doing Magickal Monday's. Those days will be the days that I talk about the different aspects of being Pagan/Wiccan in today’s world. I will be asking my other fellow Pagan/Wiccan’s out there to guest blog also with their ideas and views. The topics will cover things like ritual tools, Sabbats, clothing, general banter, parenting, family, friends, and lore. This is just some of the stuff that will be discussed. Keep an eye out for the first Monday in January for the kick off of Magickal Monday's!  

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The bump :)

14 weeks and the bump is growing!



Toddler Birthdays

So this was me today:


Yup, got to love a toddler birthday party. Oh I can't wait to know what I am having. Is this in my future or are a prince's birthday parties in my future?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

First Prenatal Visit and Bump Update

I went and saw Ginger today. For those who don’t know she is my midwife and homeopathic doctor. I had my first prenatal visit with her. Everything is going good. Baby is healthy and so is his/her mama. I do have to go see a chiropractor for my back after partially falling through that bridge a few weeks ago. We both want this lower back pain/pinched nerve to get fixed before I get too far along and can not do anything thing about it. Also with the fact that my stomach will be growing outwards it will only make my back pain worse.

While I was there I got to hear the baby’s heart beat. It went down a lot since the last visit. The last visit the baby’s heart beat was 170 bpm, this time however the baby’s heart beat was 156 bpm. I am told that that is normal as the baby starts to get bigger in the womb.  You can also read about that update here. So with out further ado here is my 13 week baby bump pic:


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

13 weeks and why I love Gamestop


I can’t believe how much time has passed already. In just one very short week it will be Thanksgiving. Wow, it seems like this year has totally blown past me. I am 13 weeks now. Depending on who you talk to I am either in the last week of my first trimester or the first week of my second trimester. Either way I am super excited. That means for the most part I am out of the danger zone. So far in my pregnancy I have been very tired. Completely exhausted to the point where at times I have slept the day away. Either that or I have vegged out on the couch, being a total couch potato.

At other times I have had these random burst of energy that I actually get out of the house and do something. Or I play catch up with the laundry or dishes.  Today however was one of those days where I was able to get out of the house. I took my car to get its oil changed at Sears. I had to wait an hour because everyone and their mother decided to get their oil changed today also. So I wandered around the mall for a little bit. What completely made my day today was Gamestop. I noticed a sign in their window saying they would purchase your old iPhone for store credit. I went in and inquired about it. Oh boy, and I ever glad that I did too! They offered me $120 in store credit for my AT&T 3GS. With that I was able to get hubby Battlefield 3 and myself and the hubster Skyrim.

Yeah I know total nerds right? Well you know it was not to bad since I didn’t have to pay a dime for either game AND they are the newest games out at the moment besides MW3. As I sit here typing this, the hubster is playing Battlefield 3.  Needless to say we were both pretty stoked about this. I got rid of my paper weight old phone and got two new games that will keep us occupied for months. Yay! Go me!

Anyway, if you are still reading this thanks for listening to me go on and on about this. You guys rock! Thanks for reading my blog!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

<3

I love my growing family. Hubby and I spent the day being lazy. We played Dead Nation on the PS3 almost all day. Then we cuddled on the couch and watched American Horror Story and CSI. Now this soon to be mama is sleepy and content. Night all!

Monday, November 7, 2011

can it be?

Yesterday I posted about not having any energy (at least I think I did anyway). With one more week in the first trimester I have noticed that I am finally starting to get my second wind. I am wanting to do more things and not wanting to fall asleep so much. Although that could be just today. Who knows what will happen tomorrow.

I do hope that since next week I will officially be in the second trimester of my pregnancy that I will get that boost of energy that I have been reading so much about. Especially since I will be taking the very last class at CBC and will have my AA (fingers crossed).

I will need all the energy that I could possibly muster in order to takle that last math class. Then I am done for a while. Maybe. If I do decide to go back to school that is. Don't get wrong I really want to get a degree in something, but right now my life seems to be going in a more important direction than just getting a degree and working a 9 to 5 job.

That is ok with me. I do not mind putting my life on hold for my child. I do not even think my life will be on hold really. Just my career. My life will be in full swing and I know I will be happy and fine with everything that is about to come my way.

Before I bable on to much longer, I will end it there. Thanks for reading!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Choosing a Midwife


After seeing all the midwives we could find in the Tri-Cities, we have finally found our midwife. The one we want to deliver our baby – Dr. Virginia Frazer. She runs Blue Heron Naturopathic Care in Pasco and is also a licensed midwife.

Matt and I both had a hard time choosing our midwife because we loved them all. What made Dr. Frazer stand out of the crowd was because she has her doctorate in naturopathic medicine [which I love]. She is a very caring lady. During our conversation where she was asking me the routine questions about my health I had mentioned that I was having some seriously bad dreams.

She had me explain to her what they were about. I told her it was just silly nightmares about zombies and surviving while trying to give birth. Although the one dream that concerned me the most was the miscarriage dream. I mentioned to her that I had just suffered a miscarriage right before getting pregnant and was concerned most about this dream.

So she brought me into her clinic room where she will be seeing me for future appointments and let my husband and I listen to the babies heart beat. I don’t know about Matt, but I know that just being able to hear that thump, thump, thump, going 170 BPM really reassured me that everything was okay.

After that we finished up the consult and Matt and I took the paper work home that we would sign almost a week later to confirm that she is now our midwife. My first prenatal appointment is on the 16th[which I am sure I will be talking about also].  I am very excited that we finally found our midwife. Everything seems a little more set in stone now and I for one and totally relieved about that. 

11.5 week baby bump =]

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Of The Cutest Variety


First off I hope you all enjoyed your Halloween holiday. Not many know that for us Pagans it is also our New Year. I do not usually make any New Year resolutions but I think this year I will make an acceptation. This year my only resolution is to have a happy and healthy pregnancy and birth.

I think this baby is going to help me stick to that resolution too. He/she already loves fruit and veggies. I can not seem to get enough of them! That and chocolate milk! Regular milk has lost its taste. It does not matter how fresh it is, it tastes sour to me. So I add some chocolate to it and it is perfect.

I have also noticed that I love sleeping on the couch. I am so uncomfortable in bed. I feel bad for Matt, he misses me sleeping with him. He is always asking me to come to bed and sleep. I try, but after 4 or 5 hours of tossing and turning I usually find my way back to the couch, where I fall asleep almost immediately. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

At 11 weeks I only foresee this getting worse and not better. My poor husband, I really hope he understands.

I have not taken any photos yet of my 11 week growing belly but I do have pictures from the previous weeks and some really cute photos of my nephews dressed up for Trick-Or-Treating last night:

6 weeks
7 weeks
8 weeks
9 weeks
10 weeks
Nephew John
Nephew Daniel
Godson Joshuah

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Talking About Samhein

At group today one of my group members did a lesson on the history of Samhein. Here is her lesson (yes, I did get permission to post her lesson here for my readers to see and discuss):

Samhain (Scots Gaelic: Samhuinn) literally means “summer's end”, and is the third and final Harvest. The dark winter half of the year commences at this Sabbat. Various other names for this Greater Sabbat are Third Harvest, Samana, Day of the Dead, Old Hallowmas (Scottish/Celtic), Vigil of Saman, Shadowfest (Strega), and Samhuinn.
Samhain marks one of the two great doorways of the Celtic year, for the Celts divided the year into two seasons: the light and the dark, at Beltane on May 1st and Samhain on November 1st. Some believe that Samhain was the more important festival, marking the beginning of a whole new cycle, just as the Celtic day began at night. For it was understood that in dark silence comes whisperings of new beginnings, the stirring of the seed below the ground. Whereas Beltane welcomes in the summer with joyous celebrations at dawn, the most magically potent time of this festival is November Eve, the night of October 31st, known today of course, as Halloween.
It is a magical interval when the mundane laws of time and space are temporarily suspended, and the Thin Veil between the worlds is lifted. Communicating with ancestors and departed loved ones is easy at this time, for they journey through this world on their way to the Summerlands. It is a time to study the Dark Mysteries and honor the Dark Mother and the Dark Father, symbolized by the Crone and her aged Consort.
In the country year, Samhain marked the first day of winter, when the herders led the cattle and sheep down from their summer hillside pastures to the shelter of stable and byre. Those destined for the table were slaughtered, after being ritually devoted to the gods in pagan times. All the harvest must be gathered in -- barley, oats, wheat, turnips, and apples -- for come November, the faeries would blast every growing plant with their breath, blighting any nuts and berries remaining on the hedgerows. Any crops still in the field on Samhain were considered taboo, and left as offerings to the Nature spirits. Peat and wood for winter fires were stacked high by the hearth. It was a joyous time of family reunion, when all members of the household worked together baking, salting meat, and making preserves for the winter feasts to come. The endless horizons of summer gave way to a warm, dim and often smoky room; the symphony of summer sounds was replaced by a counterpoint of voices, young and old, human and animal. Bonfires were built, (originally called bone-fires, for after feasting, the bones were thrown in the fire as offerings for healthy and plentiful livestock in the New Year) and stones were marked with people's names. Then they were thrown into the fire, to be retrieved in the morning. The condition of the retrieved stone foretold of that person's fortune in the coming year. Hearth fires were also lit from the village bonfire to ensure unity, and the ashes were spread over the harvested fields to protect and bless the land.
In early Ireland, people gathered at the ritual centers of the tribes, for Samhain was the principal calendar feast of the year. The greatest assembly was the 'Feast of Tara,' focusing on the royal seat of the High King as the heart of the sacred land, the point of conception for the new year. In every household throughout the country, hearth-fires were extinguished. All waited for the Druids to light the new fire of the year -- not at Tara, but at Tlachtga, a hill twelve miles to the north-west. It marked the burial-place of Tlachtga, daughter of the great druid Mogh Ruith, who may once have been a goddess in her own right in a former age.
At at all the turning points of the Celtic year, the gods drew near to Earth at Samhain, so many sacrifices and gifts were offered up in thanksgiving for the harvest. Personal prayers in the form of objects symbolizing the wishes of supplicants or ailments to be healed were cast into the fire, and at the end of the ceremonies, brands were lit from the great fire of Tara to re-kindle all the home fires of the tribe, as at Beltane. As they received the flame that marked this time of beginnings, people surely felt a sense of the kindling of new dreams, projects and hopes for the year to come.
The Samhain fires continued to blaze down the centuries. In the 1860s the Halloween bonfires were still so popular in Scotland that one traveler reported seeing thirty fires lighting up the hillsides all on one night, each surrounded by rings of dancing figures, a practice which continued up to the first World War. Young people and servants lit brands from the fire and ran around the fields and hedges of house and farm, while community leaders surrounded parish boundaries with a magic circle of light. Afterwards, ashes from the fires were sprinkled over the fields to protect them during the winter months -- and of course, they also improved the soil. The bonfire provided an island of light within the oncoming tide of winter darkness, keeping away cold, discomfort, and evil spirits long before electricity illumined our nights. When the last flame sank down, it was time to run as fast as you could for home, raising the cry, “The black sow without a tail take the hindmost!”
Even today, bonfires light up the skies in many parts of the British Isles and Ireland at this season, although in many areas of Britain their significance has been co-opted by Guy Fawkes Day, which falls on November 5th, and commemorates an unsuccessful attempt to blow up the English Houses of Parliament in the 17th century. In one Devonshire village, the extraordinary sight of both men and women running through the streets with blazing tar barrels on their backs can still be seen! Whatever the reason, there will probably always be a human need to make fires against the winter’s dark.
With the rise of Christianity, Samhain was changed to Hallowmas, or All Saints' Day, to commemorate the souls of the blessed dead who had been canonized that year, so the night before became popularly known as Halloween, All Hallows Eve, or Hollantide. November 2nd became All Souls Day, when prayers were to be offered to the souls of all who the departed and those who were waiting in Purgatory for entry into Heaven. Throughout the centuries, pagan and Christian beliefs intertwine in a gallimaufry of celebrations from Oct 31st through November 5th, all of which appear both to challenge the ascendancy of the dark and to revel in its mystery.
The Summer’s End celebrations eventually became the target of mainstream religions that viewed pagan beliefs as negative and wicked, noted Lorien Carrillo, a Wiccan reverend and owner of Sacred Mists Shoppe in Napa. Some religions banned sacred pagan rituals and foods, such as pork. The leadership of Christianity, however, attempted to lure pagans to their religion by incorporating their holidays and rituals into Christianity.
“In the year 834 Pope Gregory III renamed All Hallow’s Day to All Saints’ Day and moved it from May to November 1,” Carillo said. The hope was this holiday reorganization would entice Celtics away from Samhain and encourage their conversion to Christianity. An indicator of the success of that campaign came in the 1800s. Whether Protestant, Catholic or pagan, the Irish who immigrated to the U.S. during the 1840s potato famine brought their Celtic Samhain sabbat with them. “It was quickly accepted by Americans, especially the customs and traditions,” Carrillo said. “However, in the U.S. the holiday quickly lost its connection to — and was separated — from its origins.”
Carrillo also noted by this time the holiday was generally referred to as Halloween. Traced to circa 1556 England, Halloween (Hallowe’en) was, and is, a contraction of All Hallow’s Evening.
Americans whole-heartedly adopted the Celtic Halloween traditions of costumes, games of foretelling, frightful legends and storytelling, carved gourds, bonfires and trick or treating.
“According to John Santino, a very popular folklorist, trick-or-treat is associated with the European rhyming and mumming custom,” Carrillo said. “Small groups would go house to house and perform skits in exchange for money in Ireland or candies and baked goods in Germany and Britain. However, if the mummers arrived too soon, they would be sent away.”
To most modern Pagans, while death is still the central theme of the festival this does not mean it is a morbid event. For Pagans, death is not a thing to be feared. Old age is valued for its wisdom and dying is accepted as a part of life as necessary and welcome as birth. While Pagans, like people of other faiths, always honour and show respect for their dead, this is particularly marked at Samhain. Loved ones who have recently died are remembered and their spirits often invited to join the living in the celebratory feast. It is also a time at which those born during the past year are formally welcomed into the community.
Originally the "Feast of the Dead" was celebrated in Celtic countries by leaving food offerings on altars and doorsteps for the "wandering dead". It is traditional to set up altars with pumpkins, apples and squash, along with a skull, which is a symbol of physical passage, she said. Candles and black and orange decorations are included. The Samhain altar also is personalized with framed photos and favorite foods of ancestors. Single candles were lit and left in a window to help guide the spirits of ancestors and loved ones home. Extra chairs were set to the table and around the hearth for the unseen guest. Apples were buried along roadsides and paths for spirits who were lost or had no descendants to provide for them. Turnips were hollowed out and carved to look like protective spirits, for this was a night of magic and chaos. The Wee Folke became very active, pulling pranks on unsuspecting humans. Traveling after dark was not advised. People dressed in white (like ghosts), wore disguises made of straw, or dressed as the opposite gender in order to fool the Nature spirits.
During Samhain, a key part of this New Year season is the release of existing negative patterns through ritual, Carillo added. “It is very personal. In the Sacred Mists tradition, once the negative pattern or habit is selected, whether it be smoking or whatever, each person begins the process by writing a note to the Crone (an aspect of Wiccan goddess) about that negative, and their desire to change it can be quite cathartic. Then the note is burned in a symbolic bonfire — a cauldron, fire pit, etc. By burning it, the underworld takes that stuff away and it is gone. But that creates a void or vacuum which must be filled, preferably with the desired positive pattern.”
To achieve that desired outcome the Wiccans first connect with the spirit world. “It is not scary or evil,” Carrillo said. “Then using positive affirmations and really working with and on it, the goal of change for the new year is more likely to be accomplished, permanently.
Death also symbolizes endings and Samhain is therefore not only a time for reflecting on mortality, but also on the passing of relationships, jobs and other significant changes in life. A time for taking stock of the past and coming to terms with it, in order to move on and look forward to the future.
Divination at Halloween
Samhain was a significant time for divination, perhaps even more so than May or Midsummer’s Eve, because this was the chief of the three Spirit Nights. Divination customs and games frequently featured apples and nuts from the recent harvest, and candles played an important part in adding atmosphere to the mysteries. In Scotland, a child born at Samhain was said to be gifted with “The Two Sights” commonly known as “second sight,” or clairvoyance.

Apple Magic
At the heart of the Celtic Otherworld grows an apple tree whose fruit has magical properties. Old sagas tell of heroes crossing the western sea to find this wondrous country, known in Ireland as Emhain Abhlach, (Evan Avlach) and in Britain, Avalon. At Samhain, the apple harvest is in, and old hearthside games, such as apple-bobbing, called apple-dookin’ in Scotland, reflect the journey across water to obtain the magic apple.

Dookin' for Apples
Place a large tub, preferably wooden, on the floor, and half fill it with water. Tumble in plenty of apples, and have one person stir them around vigorously with a long wooden spoon or rod of hazel, ash or any other sacred tree.
Each player takes their turn kneeling on the floor, trying to capture the apples with their teeth as they go bobbing around. Each gets three tries before the next person has a go. Best to wear old clothes for this one, and have a roaring fire nearby so you can dry off while eating your prize!
If you do manage to capture an apple, you might want to keep it for a divination ritual, such as this one:

The Apple and the Mirror
Before the stroke of midnight, sit in front of a mirror in a room lit only by one candle or the moon. Go into the silence, and ask a question. Cut the apple into nine pieces. With your back to the mirror, eat eight of the pieces, then throw the ninth over your left shoulder. Turn your head to look over the same shoulder, and you will see and in image or symbol in the mirror that will tell you your answer.
(When you look in the mirror, let your focus go "soft," and allow the patterns made by the moon or candlelight and shadows to suggest forms, symbols and other dreamlike images that speak to your intuition.)

Dreaming Stones
Go to a boundary stream and with closed eyes, take from the water three stones between middle finger and thumb, saying these words as each is gathered:
I will lift the stone
As Mary lifted it for her Son,
For substance, virtue, and strength;
May this stone be in my hand
Till I reach my journey’s end.
Carry them home carefully and place them under your pillow. That night, ask for a dream that will give you guidance or a solution to a problem, and the stones will bring it for you.
Symbolism of Samhain: Third Harvest, the Dark Mysteries, Rebirth through Death
Symbols: Gourds, Apples, Black Cats, Jack-O-Lanterns, Besoms
Herbs: Mugwort, Allspice, Broom, Catnip, Deadly Nightshade, Mandrake, Oak Leaves, Sage and Straw
Foods: Turnips, Apples, Gourds, Nuts, Mulled Wines, Beef, Pork, Poultry
Incense: Heliotrope, Mint, Nutmeg
Colors: Black, Orange, White, Silver, Gold
Stones: All black stones, preferably jet or obsidian
Bibliography

Monday, October 24, 2011


I've been having a really hard time sleeping lately. I get enough sleep, I guess. When I sleep I sleep [other than getting up 20x's a night to pee]. I wish I knew what was going on. Seems like at night when my mind is racing, I feel depressed. Like something is eating away at me and I don’t quite know what it is. I keep having these weird dreams and it leaves me wondering if this might be the cause of the sleepless nights.

I dream about miscarrying again. Only this time there is a lot more blood, I’m talking hemorrhage style here and I lose the baby again. Every time I wake up in a cold sweat and have to check myself in order to be sure everything is fine. A few of the other mom’s I know have told me that those nightmares are normal, especially since right before I got pregnant this time I had suffered a miscarriage. I am thinking about scheduling another ultra sound to put my mind at ease.

I don’t know…do you think this could be linked to my not being able to sleep? Or am I just being paranoid?  I am 10 weeks now, I should be able to hear the heart beat by now, and I would love to be able to hear that. It may be the one thing that reassures me the most, even if I do think I am freaking out over nothing.

I know that I hope these dreams and this depression lightens up soon. Thanks for listening [reading] and bearing with me on my little rant.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Thoughts?

Some things have been stirring in around in my head. Just some random thoughts. Mainly about my mom. The one I never had and the one you should have gotten the chance to be my Grandmother instead of raising me. One of my biggest fears is becoming my mother. Another fear of mine leaves me wondering if I have the stregnth to be the mother my Grandma was to my little sisters and I.

You see, my mom walked out on us I don't know how many times. You see she had a cruel sickness that consumed her. It made her a monster, it made her hateful and mean, it took her away from us. She couldn't control her sickness, instead she let it control her. She was addicted to drugs.

At times I resent her for not being strong enough to get well for us. Her children, her little girls and her husband were pushed away for her next fix. My Dad and Grandma tried their hardest to get her the help that she needed. She would get clean every now and again. I loved those times. When she was sober she was the mother I always wanted, always knew she could be.

And then something would happen. She would run into an old friend or one of her brothers and she would fall back down that hole again.

The last time I saw her before she died, I said some pretty hateful things. I was very angry with her for chosing to be sick, rather than getting well and being with us.

She missed so many firsts. First crush, first boyfriend, first dance, graduation, the birth of her first grandchild, and my wedding. Now with my pregnancy, it is just another thing that she will miss out on. Granted she may not be in this world any longer, but it does not make it any easier knowing that she had the potential be an awesome mother and chose not to be.

Now the woman who took her place. My Grandma. She was somethign else. She took us girls in, helped my Dad raise us. She was there for everthing. I love her more than words could ever express. When she passed it was one of thee worst days in my life. Even now I am getting teary eyed thinking about it...

When her first great grandchild was born she was so happy. I really wish she was here to meet her third great grand child. My biggest hope is that I can be the mother she did not have to be.